November 09, 2001

HEY MERLE, WHEN DOES DUMBASS SEASON START?
Saying hunters can easily be terrorists in disguise, a wildlife group on Friday asked for a suspension of New York’s annual hunting season. Oy. This is even more insane than holding mainstream (albeit goofy) environmental and animal rights groups accountable for the acts of the Vitamin B-deprived vegan bombers laying waste to research facilities throughout the west.

So, what's next, a ban on fishing? After all, fishing involves secretive behavior alone or in groups of two or three.

November 08, 2001

OH, HOW UTTERLY TOUCHING...
I was delighted to read yesterday that convicted child-rapist-killer Terry Clark had a girlfriend all the way up to the moment the State of New Mexico gave him the adios juice. This is disturbing on many levels, not the least of which being that I have many exceedingly datable male friends who do not have girlfriends, yet have never committed 1/1,000,000 of the unabashed evil perpetrated by Clark...

pukeworthily fawning local article on Clark's dimwitted dream girl

dig the expression on the deputy's face
Super Love Daddy Clark on his way to court last summer.

November 04, 2001

RACIAL FAUXFILING
Big news item which fizzled on local TV station the other night: air passengers with non-white skin tone are being singled out for baggage searches and beep-wand swipes. Despite the veracity-beyond-reproach source (a woman wearing sunglasses who conducted the interview from the middle of a dirt road), the crafty investigative journalists could not replicate this activity at the airport. In fact, it appears that some searches are being conducted based on computer data, which is unencumbered by even the concept of race, much less any data based thereon. If I may wax anecdotal, while recently at a mid-sized airport in the South, I witnessed a random bag search. The target: a pudgy, well-to-do white guy. It was actually pretty amusing, especially once the guy began to lose his temper and demand badge numbers. The somber National Guard guys (and one gal) did not have any badge numbers for him to write down.

I'm not trying to say that no profiling is going on, and I won't bore anyone with an analysis of how the reasonableness clause of the 4th Amendment is interpreted in high-security situations. I just don't believe it's all that simple. If profiling is happening, then I must offer this (more anecdotalizing): shortly after it was determined that the OKC bombing was the handiwork of a young, clean-cut, white male, a friend (who matches that description) was stopped at an airport while en route to a job interview. His stuff was searched, and he was told quite bluntly that he was singled out because he was a young, white male travelling alone without any carry-on luggage. The fact that he was an aspiring neurosurgeon, former chef, retired greyhound adopter, pre-trend cigar afficionado and all-around good guy was of no import. He simply triggered a red flag in some computer somewhere, and he had to be dealt with.

It's like how Joe Bob Briggs responded to Minnesotans angered by their depiction in the movie Fargo (and I'm paraphrasing): nobody likes it when it happens to them, but it still happens, and at some level it may even be necessary.
I KNEW THAT BROAD-BASED LIBERAL ARTS EDUCATION WOULD COME IN HANDY SOMEDAY...
While news of the possible Al-Qaeda link to Iraq (a story coming out of the Czech Republic, and dutifully ignored by most of the media) continues to irk me, I now realize that I have an opportunity to serve my country with honor, despite the fact that I am too old, move too slow, and can't shoot straight. Years ago, I took a semester of Czech. Perhaps with a little bit of intensive polishing-up at Langley, Virginia, I could be dropped into Prague (I'll need business class due to my bad knees, thanks). There, I would haunt the local bar scene (Pilsener Urquell and sausages? Be still my clogging heart!) in search of more details on the link between Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.

Of course, most of my Czech is limited to these two phrases:
1. Kdo je knihovne? = Where is the library?
2. Jsem americky a nerozumim nic! = I am an American and I don't know anything!

My bags are packed.
DAMN STRAIGHT!!!
Check out this article on how the already-withering gun control movement continues to deflate in the wake of 9-11 and a recent 5th Circuit holding: boo-yah

pistola



While I'm on the topic of packin' heat, it's interesting to note that the root of the English word "revolver" can be sort of loosely translated into the Spanish word revuelta, which, among other things, describes movements like revolve, spin, change direction, etc. Legend has it that during the U.S. - Mexican War, when federal troops and Texas Rangers were armed with new Colt .44 caliber six-shot revolvers, their foes mistook the name "revolver" to mean that the balls fired by the Colts could travel in an infinite number of directions (around corners, up stairs, etc.).

Soon, should U.S. ground forces be committed to the hunt for Bin Laden and his cronies, it would certainly be useful to have such a weapon (since it's believed that they are hiding out in a system of caves dating back to the mujahedin days). The good news: such a weapon already exists. The bad news: we don't use it anymore. Here's the deal.

BURDEN OF PROOF?
I cannot be the only person who is wholly sick of the notion that we somehow owe Al-Qaeda and the Bin Ladenistas some sort of thorough showing of evidence linking them to the 9-11 attacks before we bomb the holy hell out of them. First, war is not conducted in a court of law; intelligence is not discovery. Second, if anyone wants to ensure Bin Laden's privilege to be judged on a "beyond reasonable doubt" burden of proof, that can easily be arranged. The guy has already been indicted on numerous charges associated with 9-11, the U.S.S. Cole, embassy bombings in Sudan, etc. He can avail himself of our legal system if he chooses. While I doubt he would qualify for free counsel, I am certain he could afford the best in legal representation.